Health/Illness Management
December 21, 2010: Hobbling Around and Taking a Closer Look
January 22, 2011 | 
Author I’ve been less active, overall, since recovering from total hip replacement surgery on my right hip on December 6 (the left one was done in April, 2008, so I kind of know the drill). As I hobble around, walking with the aid of a cane for about the next two months while I undergo physical therapy, I was frustrated with not being able to really “run the rat race” at my usual speed. Everything takes longer, especially my morning routine, and for a gay man, that’s a loooong time!
But it’s also allowed me to have one of the best holiday seasons in a long time, because when everything is slowed down, you really see every detail of your life. It’s like HD TV. And while, just like HD TV, it can show things that are unpleasant in detail (like noticing dust on things you don’t normally notice), for the most part, it brings vivid detail to life. The practice of “stop and smell the roses” is something a hip replacement will definitely inspire. I’m not smelling that many roses in December, but I am slowing down enough to savor things that we usually take for granted. Even walking. I’m so grateful that my inability to walk normally is temporary, a recovery from a surgery where muscles are strained, but not permanently damaged. It gives me a new gratitude for just the basic function of walking, and a renewed sensitivity and admiration for those who can’t. This recovery is not the most fun thing in the world, but I feel like I mustn’t complain, when I think of those who won’t walk with physical therapy, or at all — or those, like soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, who, because of Bush’s blood-for-oil wars, don’t have legs anymore. I will never forgive that awful — AWFUL — man for what he has done to our world, and to so many people. I will hold the legacy of George W. Bush in enmity for the rest of my life, as I do with the uber-evil Ronald Wilson Reagan (666). Because the policies of men like that lead to the needless suffering of men who struggle to complete the most basic of life tasks. Cane or not, one has to “stand” for something, and I try to “stand” for justice — particularly for the under-dog — whenever I can.
Having a physical challenge to overcome, then, sure does prompt philosophical thinking and perspective. And a certain “mindfulness”, which is a popular buzzword today in psychotherapy, however fleeting that model might be. Facing these temporary challenges as best I can, with the best attitude I can toward growth, gratitude, determination, persistence, and appreciation, is important because it helps me “walk my talk” with my clients. They see me in my office during therapy with my cane at my side, and there is a certain “If I can do THIS, you can do THAT” — whether it’s facing their own health challenges, or other kinds of life challenges that we work on in therapy.
Like everything, I try to take a lesson from this period of physical recovery and learn something from it. And the lessons are profound — appreciating every moment of life, especially at the holiday season, for we’ll all be walking right past the holidays, into the new year, cane-free, soon enough, walking full-pace back in the rat-race. I just hope I remember to still stop and smell the roses.
December 16, 2010: The HIV 'Cure' and Never Say Never
With the news this week that a man has been declared officially “cured” of HIV by way of stem cell therapy (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/14/hiv-cure-berlin-patient_n_796521.html), I was heartened, to say the least. Immediately, my mind went to two things: one was about what this means for the immediate future of HIV eradication research, and how soon could something like that one, unique man’s experience be extrapolated to the entire HIV-positive population, and two, a more emotional side — How many people that we lost, or that I lost personally, would have loved to have seen this day? This is the day that many said could never arrive, the day that we declare the “c-word” — no, not that one — CURE in HIV.
I wondered what my friends Keith Markin, or Fernando Baell, or Charlie Wills would say about this day. Knowing them, I think it would be a chorus of “it’s about fucking time!” And they would be right. This day does seem a little long-time coming, 30 years into the HIV/AIDS epidemic. And the full day of known “cure” for all still eludes us. But this day does give hope that this very easily could be “the beginning of the end” of HIV as we know it. And, as I sit and recover from my second hip replacement surgery (December 6) due to HIV-related Avascular Necrosis, a bone disease, boy do I “know it” all too well!
But beyond what this news means for the medical, and more specifically HIV medical community, I think about the existential and philosophical aspects of this news. I think about how this defies nay-sayers that cure is “impossible”, just like the nay-sayers circa 1955 or so who said that we would never put a man on the moon. To say it reminds me of, “Never Say Never” might be a little cliche’, but I often think in cliches (as anyone who reads my writing knows).
I think of this news in the context of the time period that it comes to us — the holiday season. More specifically, the Christmas season. I don’t identify as being particularly religious, and I’m the first one to defiantly, humorously, subversively, and just a little bit ragefully challenge the prevailing notion of the implied “superiority” of so-called “Christians” and the general passive or active homophobia, heterosexism, and just plain hate of far too many of them. But if we take the Christian idea, or dare we say “myth” (don’t shoot; it’s just a blog!), that Christmas is representative of the birth of Hope, of Peace, and of a Sun (“son”), what better time of year for news that something as antithetical to Hope and Peace such as HIV could be “cured”, at least once?
The implications of this news extend beyond the medical fascination of it all. It is a parable, a Life Lesson, a historical reminder that things DO change. That the diffculties that seem “un-curable” today may indeed be “curable” tomorrow. Or a thousand tomorrows after that.
It needs to be said that this man’s experience is extraordinary, and the measures used were something that would not be feasible to apply to everyone living with HIV. It’s really still considered a “fluke”. But, that said, I still think HIV’s days are numbered. Polio’s certainly were. The Bubonic Plague’s were. Smallpox’s were. Diseases are just as superficially vulnerable as fashion; they “go out”. HIV has been an unwelcome guest at the World Party for far too long, and you know, it’s just getting to be that time. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
Whatever your nay-saying is, stop for a minute and challenge the “permanence” of that thinking. Never say never. Let there be a Birth of Hope for you this holiday season. Happy Holidays!
Inspiration from Music: Dolly Parton's "Better Get to Livin'"
In my work as a psychotherapist and life coach, I am always grateful for the many and varied sources of inspiration that come my way. The latest uplifting piece of material I’ve come across is in music, in a relatively new song by country/pop star Dolly Parton, well-known by her fans and her colleagues for being so cheerful that she refers to herself as the “Dolly Lama” for being asked for her advice on how she keeps her perennially-positive attitude. Summarized in a song, “Better Get to Livin’”, (from her new CD, “Backwoods Barbie”) and featured in her new Broadway-bound musical version of “9 to 5”, opening soon in Los Angeles, Dolly describes her philosophy, available at iTunes.com or at http://www.dollyon-line.com/archives/lyrics/better_get_to_livin.shtml. The lyrics go like this:
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“You better to get to livin’, givin’, Be willin’ and forgivin; ‘cause all healin’ has to start with you. You better stop whinin’, pinin’, Get your dreams in line, and then just shine, design, refine til they come true — and you better get to livin’.”
As simple as these words are, they reveal a similar philosophy about self-empowerment that I often teach my clients as I encourage them to identify, call forth, strengthen, and implement the skills of coping they need to face life’s challenges head-on. One of the best strategies for any challenge is to adopt as relentlessly positive an attitude as you possibly can, even if that’s hard to do. Earlier this year, when I was facing Total Hip Replacement surgery of my left femur bone joint in my left leg due to HIV-related Avascular Necrosis (crumbling bone), I took this attitude to prepare for my surgery. I worked out extra-hard the week before the surgery so that I would be in peak shape for my subsequent recovery and physical therapy. I was grateful for the not-so-bad hospital food, for the cute physical therapist, for the silly word games my fiancé played with me to pass the time, and for the nurses who took good care of me, I believe, in part due to the relentlessly polite and positive approach I gave them (I wanted them to be happy to answer my buzzer!). Later, I undertook my physical therapy not as a chore, but as a joy that the exercises would restore me to full athletic physical functioning — which they did, after only 12 weeks of consistent and diligent work. I don’t think it would have gone as fast or as well if I hadn’t been practicing Dolly’s advice — and this was before I learned about her song!
In daily practice with clients, I will often quote an inspirational song, story, script, or poem that I think might help them, or ask them to see if they can draw inspiration from a piece of music or literature that inspires them. Getting inspiration from the materials we are exposed to, and applying that material to challenging situations, is one aspect of emotional coping with the challenges that life inevitably tosses into our path.
Dolly’s song goes on to suggest that if “your life’s a wreck, your house is a mess, and your wardrobe’s way outdated, all your plans just keep on fallin’ through; overweight, underpaid, under-appreciated — I’m no guru, but I’ll tell you, this I know is true: You better to get to livin’, givin’, a little more thought about bein’ a little more willin’, to make a better way — Better start carin’, sharin’, tryin’, smilin’ — the day we’re born, we start to die, don’t waste a minute of this life — get to livin’.” All of these “in” verbs are a motivating list of how we need to jump-start our self-empowered attitudes. If something isn’t right, reach deep down into yourself and ask, “What do I need to evoke in myself to make things better?” Or, “What do I need to ask of others to make things better?” Knowing the internal resources we need (motivation, assertiveness, stamina, self-respect, effort, belief, inspiration, compassion) and the resources from others (information, elbow-grease, wisdom, time, compassion, faith, trust, courage, patience) helps us to assemble the tools we need to make change. Applying our resources — plus those we borrow from others — is what makes change in our lives.
Dolly’s more religious side suggests, “If it gets too rough, fall on your knees and pray — and do this every day.” For non-religious but perhaps more spiritual people, maybe it’s about meditating, concentrating, releasing, and believing. For people in AA, it’s about “giving it up” to a God of their understanding, or to their Higher Power. Sometimes, when it gets real rough, our spirituality has to augment all the resources that are within us and those near us. The anniversary of 9/11/01 comes to mind, or when things happen that seem to take all that we can give — and then some. When we really stretch at those times, we grow.
Lots of song lyrics can inspire us, and other materials that I can explain in therapy or coaching. What songs inspire you? Get to listenin’ — and get to livin’ — so that you, too, can Have The Life You Want!
Twelve Tips for a Successful Hospital Stay
My recent three-day stay in a somewhat-small-by-LA-standards but rather posh urban hospital took away the up-until-now, 43-year virginity I had to hospital stays. I had no idea what to expect, but now that I’m out, I wanted to share my experience Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Health/Illness Management, Life Skills, Stress Management | 
Tags: coping, HIV, HIV medication, hospital stay, illness, nurses | 
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