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Gay Men and New Year, New Sex: Mind, Heart, Body

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Gay Men and New Year, New Sex: Mind, Heart, Body   Happy New Year!  As I start my 31st year as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist, life/career/relationship coach, and AASECT-Certified sex therapist, I challenge myself to think of expansive, new ideas.  The new year, for all of us, is like a blank piece of paper … Read more

Gay Men and Pets: Challenges & Rewards

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Gay Men and Pets: Challenges & Rewards In an earlier article, I wrote about gay men seeking to satisfy their natural paternal instincts, even if they do not have children (that article is here).  I wrote how gay men sometimes see their pets as their “children,” doting on them probably more than straight people do, … Read more

PART TWO – Gay Men’s Dating Situations That Are “No-Go” – And Their Alternatives

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Gay Men’s Dating Situations That Are “No-Go” – And Their Alternatives – PART TWO In Part One of this article, I discussed topics that are a “no-go” in gay men’s dating situations, such as racism/bigotry, money neurosis, unresolved trauma, and several more. As a long-term (30 years in 2022) gay men’s specialist psychotherapist for individuals, … Read more

The Greeks’ Eight Types of Love as Applied to Gay Men

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The Greeks’ Eight Types of Love as Applied to Gay Men As a long-term (29 years in 2021) gay men’s specialist psychotherapist, sex therapist, and life/career/relationship coach, I have a lot of clinical experience history to draw from to help new clients.  Whenever we draw from history, we can find valuable resources from the past … Read more

Gay Men and Consensual Non-Monogamy Early in Relationships

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Gay Men and Consensual Non-Monogamy Early in Relationships The curriculum that trains AASECT Certified Sex Therapists like myself (which includes hundreds of hours of instruction, four in-person weekend seminars, 50 hours of clinical supervision in not less than 18 months of experience, and continuing education weekend seminar updates each year), frequently addresses the “style” of … Read more

Healthy Relationships Don’t Do That: A Guide for Gay Men’s Dating and More

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As a gay men’s specialist therapist for over 29 years (in 2021), I’ve always enjoyed being active on social media and interacting with my therapist colleagues there.  Recently I saw a great post from my local Los Angeles colleague on Instagram, Armine Asatryan, MA, LMFT, who is a specialist in anxiety and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.  She … Read more

Improving Gay Men’s Relationships: Meeting Three Needs: Emotional, Sexual, Interpersonal

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In a previous article (here), I cautioned single gay men about their dating skills and avoiding the all-too-often seen pitfalls of putting the emphasis in dating on the wrong things, such as Cash, Connections, and C—k.  As someone in a 19-year gay relationship with my partner/husband, I always say to clients that the things that … Read more

The Six Principles of Sexual Health as Applied to Gay Men: A Guide

gay couple in underwear in embrace deposit photo April 2021

I’ve been enjoying my recent completion of the Certified Sex Therapist credential from AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.  I achieved this not only from my long experience as a gay men’s specialist therapist (29 years in 2021), but also through completing an 18-month continuing education program for therapists provided by … Read more

No More ‘Cheating’ Part II: How Gay Men Can Have an Open Relationship Without Hurt Feelings

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gay male couple on beach
Gay men in open relationships need lots of communication.

Part II: Identifying and Implementing Your Options

In my previous article, Part I of this topic, I described how in my work as a psychotherapist specializing in gay men and their relationships, very often I see couples expressing a desire to eliminate “cheating” in a relationship by bravely, candidly, and sensitively discussing their options about how and why either or both partners might desire occasional sex outside the relationship, and how this does not have to be unhealthy or damaging to the relationship. Studies of gay male relationships over the years have explained how it is culturally relatively more acceptable in gay male relationships (more so than in any other kind of human relationship) to have a primary partner but allow sexual play with others.

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