White Lotus and Gay Men’s Fantasies: The Taboo That Teases in Pop Culture
By Ken Howard, LCSW, CST
The recent Season 3 of Max streaming service’s “The White Lotus,” set at a resort in Thailand, has stirred buzz not just for its opulent visuals, biting satire, and ensemble cast, including Parker Posey’s lorazepam-taking “Victora Ratcliff” and her now-meme-inducing North Carolina accent (“Piper! Nooooo! Tsunami! Buddhism! (That one)) — but for one particularly provocative moment: two hot, shirtless young men — clearly brothers — seen in a steamy, ambiguous interaction. One of those actors? Patrick Schwarzenegger, who plays“Saxon”, whose celebrity lineage as the son of classic champion bodybuilder, actor, and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and rising profile in his own right, add even more intrigue to the moment. And Saxon’s brother, “Lochlan,” played by Sam Nivola, another handsome and promising young actor.
Gay Twitter (or should we now say, Gay X?) lit up. Reddit threads speculated. Memes exploded. Articles proliferated. Was that scene… incest? Are they really going there? And why does this brief, wordless scene, ignite so much attention, curiosity, and even, ambivalence?|
As a gay men’s specialist therapist for over 30 years now, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and someone who has worked with incest survivors in my clinical practice, I want to be clear: this is a discussion about fantasy and pop culture depictions, not a validation of real-world incest. Real-life incest — particularly when non-consensual or involving minors — is a crime and a severe form of abuse that causes lasting trauma. This piece is intended to unpack the complex reactions gay men have to fictional and fantasy-based depictions in the media, and the psychological nuances behind them.
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The Forbidden = The Fascinating
From a psychological standpoint, one of the most consistent truths about fantasy is that the more taboo it is, the more power it tends to hold. Incest — particularly same-sex, consensual-looking, adult incest — occupies a special space in the erotic imagination, because it triggers so many conflicting associations: family, love, danger, proximity, and forbidden closeness.
For gay men, this takes on added dimension. Many of us grew up in families where our sexuality was either unspoken, shamed, or outright rejected. Our earliest experiences of desire and secrecy were forged in the same spaces as family identity — bedrooms, basements, vacations, church trips. It’s no surprise, then, that some gay men later develop fantasies that intertwine masculinity, desire, and rebellion in exaggerated, symbolic forms.
In this light, an incest fantasy isn’t really about literal sibling attraction. It’s about what the sibling represents: someone who’s close, familiar, intimate, equally male, and “not allowed.”
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Why Do Incest Fantasies Resonate with Gay Men?
Let’s look deeper:
• Power Inversion: Growing up in a family system where one felt weak, rejected, or unseen can create fantasies of reclaiming power — sometimes by reversing roles or creating imagined scenarios where boundaries are broken on your terms.
• Hyper-Closeness and Mirroring: A brother may be seen as a genetic twin — the closest possible male mirror. In fantasy, this becomes an erotic symbol of desiring oneself, or being desired by oneself.
• Rebellion and Transgression: Gay men often face a lifetime of rules — spoken and unspoken — about who they’re “allowed” to love, desire, or even be. Incest, not unlike forms of kink or even just non-monogamy, becomes an imaginative middle finger to heteronormative scripts.
• Hypermasculinity and Doubling: Two athletic, attractive brothers — especially actors like Patrick Schwarzenegger or Sam Nivola — become avatars of male perfection. The idea of two such men bonding sexually is like watching desire fold in on itself.
Importantly, these fantasies usually exist in a safe, non-acted-out space. They’re mental playgrounds, not blueprints.
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The White Lotus Effect: Taboo Meets Prestige TV
The White Lotus has made a name for itself by mixing comedy, class critique, and sexual chaos in exotic locales. Season 3 leans into this even more — with implied or explicit elements on everything from spiritual cults to family dysfunction to homoerotic tension.
The incestuous brother scene wasn’t just a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. It was deliberately included to stir discourse — and it worked. In a show famous for its darkly comic sex scenes and twisted relationships, this moment raised the stakes. What does the drug-induced bacchanalia mean? How will characters ultimately react? Will they explain it or leave it open-ended?
The internet responded with memes, TikToks, and endless recaps. One fan joked, “I was already watching for Parker Posey’s North Carolina accent, but now I’m invested on a whole new level.” The show’s creators such as Mike White know exactly what they’re doing — and they’re playing with taboo not for shock alone, but for emotional and erotic tension.
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Pop Culture’s Dance with Taboo: From Porn to Prime Time
Incest has long been a trope in gay porn, often coded as “stepbrothers” or “family vacation.” What used to be whispered is now front and center in thumbnails, titles, and entire studios dedicated to “family fantasy.”
What does it mean when mainstream TV (albeit streaming) borrows this script?
It means we’re living in a time when sexual fantasy is less stigmatized — and more performative. Shows like The White Lotus aren’t endorsing incest, but they are using it as narrative bait. It’s visual, streaming click-bait. And gay audiences, well-versed in reading subtext and pushing boundaries, are here for it — even if they squirm a little.
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Repulsion, Intrigue, and the Fantasy/Reality Divide
Most of us feel that emotional cocktail: part of us is turned on, another part says, “Wait… ewwww, David, that’s too far.” That tension is exactly what makes taboo fantasies so potent — and why good writers and directors know how to use them to keep us watching – and that’s always the goal for television ratings, or “rates of streaming” online, because it sells advertising or it sells monthly perennial subscribers; in either case, it’s about how they make their money, and a lot of it. The technology may change, but the idea of making money by way of having as many viewers as possible does not.
As a therapist, I always remind clients that having a fantasy doesn’t mean you want to act on it. It means your mind is exploring power, boundaries, identity, or connection. Fantasies are metaphors — and incest fantasies are among the most metaphor-rich. They’re not about siblings; they’re about proximity, similarity, intensity, and emotional inheritance.
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Final Thoughts: Talking About It Doesn’t Mean Approving It
If you’re a gay man who watched that White Lotus scene five times and still felt confused, intrigued, aroused, or disturbed — welcome to being human. You’re not broken. You’re processing something deep, and your reaction is part of your emotional and erotic intelligence.
In therapy, we create space to explore these responses without judgment. We separate fantasy from desire, desire from behavior, and behavior from identity. And we honor the fact that erotic life is nuanced, and it can’t be dumbed-down or oversimplified just because it’s convenient and everybody’s in a hurry these days. Sometimes, think that are layered or nuanced need careful discussion and can’t be dismissively reduced. We have too much of that lately, especially in politics with this right/left, all or nothing, all villain or all-hero mentality. Part of the dumbing-down of America in about the last ten years has been this cultivation of the intolerance of nuance, and we are the worse for it. For many topics, including aspects of sexuality like this, it’s time to bring back the nuance and intelligent analysis these topics deserve.
So yes, it’s okay to talk about gay incest fantasies — even the ones sparked by a stylish drama featuring Patrick Schwarzenegger in a tropical setting. In fact, talking about them might be the healthiest thing you can do.
Because when we unshame the fantasy, we stop fearing our minds. And we begin to understand what we truly want, what we need, and why. We clarify all aspects of our sexuality, and we reconcile our basic instincts with the Six Principles of Sexual Health (discussed in previous works) to lead more fulfilling lives, our Quality of Life by way of the Quality of Our Sex Life.
If you need or want to talk about these, or other topics, I provide psychotherapy and sex therapy services to residents of the State of California, and Life, Career, Relationship, or Executive Coaching Services to anyone, even in other United States or other countries across the world. If you need to, let’s talk.
Text 310-339-5778, or email Ken@GayTherapyLA.com, or Ken@GayCoachingLA.com for more information on a free 15-minute consultation, or to make a session appointment.
Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (#LCS18290) in California, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and a retired academic (Adjunct Associate Professor) at the University of Southern California (USC) Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, and the Founder of GayTherapyLA. He has been working in LGBT and HIV/AIDS activism since 1988. He is now the most experienced gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and life/career/relationship coach in the United States today, for 33 years in 2025, and is in full-time private practice in West Hollywood, California, where he lives with his husband of 23 years. A library of hundreds of blog articles are available on GayTherapyLA.com/blog, GayCoachingLA.com/blog, and his podcast is heard by over 10,000 people per month in over 120 countries of the world. For more information on therapy or coaching services or to make an appointment, call/text 310-339-5778 or email Ken@GayTherapyLA.com or Ken@GayCoachingLA.com.
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