Gay Therapist and Educator Discusses: The Problem with “LGBT” Language

The Problem with LGBT Language

LGBT as Terminology If you’ve been around mental health and social services as long as I have (over 27 years), you’ve seen some changes. Even if it’s less time than that, you’ve still seen changes, especially in language and what we call things in the vernacular. Take “gay rights”.  Just saying that term makes people … Read moreGay Therapist and Educator Discusses: The Problem with “LGBT” Language

Four Ways to Help Gay Men with Depression

young man at balcony in depression suffering emotional crisis

Gay Men and Depression: Four Strategies for Help As a specialist in therapy for gay men for over 26 years, by far the most common problem that I see in my office is about depression.  I always joke that if the Eskimos supposedly have 23 different words for snow (wet, dry, new, old), we need … Read moreFour Ways to Help Gay Men with Depression

Gay Therapist on Ghosting: Why Gay Men Do It, How We Cope

Dissolving in nature. Finding his inspiration in nature, posing with touching his shoulder and lowering his head at side

Gay Men and Ghosting:  Why We Do It, How We Cope In the blogosphere, there have already been some articles on gay men and ghosting, but none of them go into any real depth from a mental health point of view, and in my 26 years as a psychotherapist who specializes in therapy for gay … Read moreGay Therapist on Ghosting: Why Gay Men Do It, How We Cope

Shrink at the Movies:  Loving “Love, Simon” from a Gay Men’s Mental Health Perspective

Love, Simon - He's Done Keeping His Story Straight

Shrink at the Movies:  Loving “Love, Simon” from a Gay Men’s Mental Health Perspective In my work as a licensed psychotherapist and life/business coach specializing in gay men and therapy for gay male couples for over 26 years, I blog frequently on topics on LGBTQ+ mental health in general, and gay men’s therapy in particular, … Read moreShrink at the Movies:  Loving “Love, Simon” from a Gay Men’s Mental Health Perspective

Gay Therapist Gives Tips on Gay Men Aging Gracefully: Part III: Domestically and Financially

In this third and last of my three-part series on how therapy can help gay men age gracefully, I’d like to share how therapy can help you be at your best domestically and financially.  (In Part I, we covered emotionally and physically, and in Part II , we covered socially and culturally). As a specialist … Read moreGay Therapist Gives Tips on Gay Men Aging Gracefully: Part III: Domestically and Financially

Gay Therapist Gives Tips for Gay Men Aging Gracefully: Part II: Socially and Culturally

In part I of this three-part series, (How Therapy Can Help You Age Gracefully: A Guide for Gay Men (Part I: Emotionally and Physically), we looked how therapy can help gay men age gracefully from the emotional and physical points of view.  Today, I’d like to share two new aspects of how therapy can support … Read moreGay Therapist Gives Tips for Gay Men Aging Gracefully: Part II: Socially and Culturally

Gay Men’s Mental Health: 5 Tips for an Optimal Spring/Summer

Gay Men’s Mental Health:  5 Tips for an Optimal Spring/Summer Spring has sprung!  Spring is a nice time of year for many people, because things like the doldrums of winter can be shaken off and the spring/summer seasons can usually bring a lot of nice things like sunshine, outdoor socializing, extra daylight to work/play in, … Read moreGay Men’s Mental Health: 5 Tips for an Optimal Spring/Summer

Loving Someone with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and its less-severe related diagnosis, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) can be the topic of jokes and even comedy movies.  But living with the actual disorder is no joke.  OCD is quite burdensome to live with, and it can make the partners of people living with OCD stressed-out, too.  People living with OCD … Read moreLoving Someone with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Gay Men and Depression: Finding Relief without Medications

young man at balcony in depression suffering emotional crisis

As a gay therapist in Los Angeles for the past 27 years, I have found that Depression is the single most-common diagnosis and presenting problem.  This is true for most therapists, from what I hear from colleagues and from my students that I teach in the advanced psychotherapy course at USC. According to many studies, … Read moreGay Men and Depression: Finding Relief without Medications

It’s July Fourth – Independence Day for Gay Men: What Do You Want Independence From?

independence day for gay men
Independence Day for gay men can have many important meanings, as a community and as individuals.

It’s July Fourth – Independence Day for Gay Men: What Do You Want Independence From?

As we celebrate the summer and the Fourth of July — Independence Day — let’s consider the meaning of that word, “independence.” Historically, this means celebrating America’s freedom from the tyrannical rule of a cruel and imbecilic king who over-taxed his hardest-working citizens to enrich the elite and fund wars that aggrandized his ego. (OK, so I guess not much has changed in over 200 years!)  For gay men, the word “independence” can mean so much more.  For many or most of us, we grow up hiding our sexuality for a long time, and we are imprisoned by isolation, secrecy, and lack of validation for who we are.

Independence Day for gay men, coming usually soon after the annual Pride celebrations in June, as a community, is a celebration and commemoration of the Stonewall Uprising in New York in 1969, when, as a community, we declared our independence from systemic oppression (by the anti-gay New York City Police Department in particular, but also oppression in general).  For each of us as individuals, the coming out process is like declaring our independence from widespread heterosexism (“the assumption that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual”).

We declare our independence from the sexism that imprisons us into strict demands for gender-conforming behaviors, whether we like those things or not, and we certainly declare independence from the outright hate and bigotry that we hear about almost constantly in the news, particularly from conservative religious sectors and/or Republicans.  We also declare independence from people telling us we “can’t” — can’t be a part of certain groups, can’t hold certain jobs, can’t adopt children, can’t celebrate our sexuality, can’t have benefits, can’t have protections from discrimination, can’t have our Pride month recognized by the government, and so on.  The entire LGBT community fights for independence from oppression in many ways, not just on July Fourth, but every day, in the United States and worldwide. 

Read moreIt’s July Fourth – Independence Day for Gay Men: What Do You Want Independence From?